We should be called the Road Head Warriors
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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