I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
