this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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