i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
These tits shall not be calmed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
