Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
