No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
