drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
