He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't deserve a penis
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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