2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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