i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
