you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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