if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
