Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
