So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
