Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
