shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
two words: eviction party
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
