my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
