it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
