If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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