I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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