I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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