Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
