One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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