I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
