If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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