Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
