I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
