what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
