I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to make out with him forever
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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