just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
