Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
