Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
