I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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