This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
