false alarm. still invincible.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
