We're facebook friends in real life
Your mouth is God's brothel.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
