Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
