she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
