I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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