I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
