Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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