He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
there is puke in my bra ... again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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