shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
