My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
