It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
