I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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