i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
