ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
