I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
