dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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