You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
