So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
